Amsterdamaged people in Amsterdam

Another homeless character in Amsterdam is a religious nut-case. He was also known to the police I spoke with. They had not directly interacted with him, but heard that he would yell at people and generally scare tourists. I did get this guy's story.

I first noticed Chris on my trip in February. I was walking down the street, trying my best to mind my own business, when this reasonably clean street person walked by me and asked for some change. I noticed that this guy's eyes were wierd, as if this person was really focused on something to the point of being a zealot.

I responded with my usual line, "Lo siento senor, no hablo ingles. Solamente hablo espanol. Habla usted espanol?" Most people in Holland speak Dutch and English, and not so much Spanish. This usually was enough to get away from beggars, but later I found it better not to even stop and talk to people. Europe is not the West Coast of California, and people don't usually talk to strangers.

So this guy goes along with the idea that I don't speak his language, but still he has something very important to tell me. I had a short haircut and had a fresh shave, but because I have blue eyes (keep reading) I guess he thought I was deserving of his great wisdom. He was impressing on me in very simple English that I should grow my hair out. He told me to read the part of the Bible about Sampson and Delilah, and not to cut my hair or shave.

He went on the show me how his dreadlocky-hair was growing a beard that looked like a ponytail. There was about 6 inches of uncombed hair, and at the end I noticed that it grew out like a cross.

The guy showed me this, and told me he was "Cristo!" I got the idea, thanked him for the advice, and walked away ... looking over my shoulder. This guys seemed harmless, but I had learned to be suspicious of anyone who talked to me on the street in Amsterdam.

Later, on a trip I took in June, I saw this guy again one morning. He hit me up for a cigarette . I was not in any hurry, and again Cristo seemed to have something very important to tell me.

It turned out to be his life story and his religio-wacko view of the world. He was originally from South Africa, and was a very bad guy for the first 35 years of his life. He said he was mostly into robbery and violence. He fit the sterotype of a white male South African -- a racist through and through. He felt that anyone who doesn't have blue eyes is controlled by the devil. He pointed out a little brown spot in my blue eyes and said it wa a sign I still had some work to do on myself.

How did he get from a life of crime to a life of racio-religio-wackosity? If I got the "facts" straight, Cristo ended up in Amsterdam doing all kinds of wierd drugs when God came to him and told him who he really was. Turns out I was lucky enough to meet the man who (believed) he had been reincarnated into Jesus Christ and Bhudda. This sounded wierd enough, but there was still some consistency to the story until he said he was also Lucky Luciano, the well-known mafia-related criminal.

Chris explained that in his past two lives, the one as Lucky and the one he is living now, he was a really bad dude. He was given the revelation so he could get past his bad self. Metaphysicians would eat this stuff up -- to me the guy looked like he had taken a little too much acid. This is where the word AMSTERDAMAGE comes from.

So in the middle of his transformation this guy Chris also found out that he has AIDS. He showed me the scars on his wrist from where he tried to commit suicide.

Since he is still among the living, Chris has taken it upon himself to prepare a park in Amsterdam to be one of the only two safe places in the world during the coming Armageddon, you know, the one where Jesus sends all the dead Christians to heaven so the rest of us can get on with having fun without guilt. I suspect Jesus will stay down here and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Back to Shouting and Trumping, Chris' best advice (aside from avoiding shaving) was that I should immediately give up all my worldly possessions and live like a beggar in preparation for the Second Coming. This would include fasting for 40 days before the Big Event, but Chris couldn't tell me when it was going to happen so I was confused about when to begin my fast.

Apparently God favors only Europeans and their descendants in America. According to Chris, the only safe places to meet God on the Second Advent is in Central Park, New York City, if you're an American; Europeans must find their way to Vondelpark, which is a neat, spacious park in Amsterdam next to the big casino. Chris has taken it upon himself to have the place ready when God comes down, so if you happent to be travelling in Europe I suggest you check it out for yourself.